(Last Updated On: February 14, 2018)
It is always good to have at least one or two friends who have your back at all times. Friends that believe in you no matter what and of course, they can trust you too. Friends that you can depend on in any situation. You may have asked yourself this question several times; “Do I have any true friends?” We all need friends and good quality ones at that, but sometimes we wonder whether we really do have them in our lives. If you are anything like me, you don’t like small talk and hate to spend time with those who don’t return the “love.” So, what is true friendship?How can we know that we have true friends on this planet? Better yet, how do we know that we can completely depend on those whom we refer to as friends. Those who are not quick to believe any negative stuff they hear about us, before… Click To Tweet
I believe that the real test of friendship occurs when you are at your worse. You may have lost your job or have separated from an organization, lost your house, money…pick one. Do these friends still hang out with you or even check in? Do they respond in the usual way when you are around or do they act a little uncomfortable?
A lesson on why loyalty and trust are important
I was very disappointed some years ago when a companion of mine was accused of something quite serious. I watched in disbelief as some who I thought were close to them, became convinced that “our” friend, was liable. To cut a long story short, our pal was vindicated and I wondered how those “friends” must have felt afterward.
In the end, I didn’t ask them nor did I encourage any discussion about the matter. I didn’t need to because I am sure they learned a valuable lesson from the whole experience. Not everything has to be discussed and especially when the lesson is loud and clear. The proverbial “I told you so” doesn’t always have to be mentioned.
I never said a word of this to my friend either. The reasons I chose not to was because;
- We are all at different stages of maturity in the journey of life
- People don’t always remain untrustworthy. People can mature and change if given the chance
- It may have devastated my friend and destroyed their faith in friendship
- They didn’t need that negative news at the time, but rather encouragement
Characteristics of a true friendship – What true friends mean to us
- In a true friendship, friends have each other’s back
- They know when to defend you if necessary because they truly know how you would react to most situations. They have taken the time to get to know your values, so they’ll know when someone means you harm
- Friends are there when you fail and there when you succeed. You are in good standing in their eyes throughout the various stages of life
Hard times reveal true friends!
Friends are happy for you, They celebrate your accomplishments
True companions will genuinely be happy for you when you are ecstatic about something you have achieved. They will be glad when something good has happened to you, period. They will encourage you to aim for more and celebrate your accomplishment as though it has happened to them.
Someone who is interested you will also be interested in your significant others
True friends will become friends of your immediate family and any “regulars” in your company. They will not just be interested in you but will seek relationships with those that are close to you. If there is a problem here, be careful.
They will tell you when you are going wrong, even if they feel uncomfortable doing it
Wouldn’t you want to be warned if you are about to turn up a one-way street, rather than risk your life and the lives of others in the process? Some may say, “let him/her learn from the experience,” and “experience is a great teacher…”
Isn’t it amazing how people love to use great, popular quotes out of context, rather than speak from a place of sincerity, affection, and concern? They often say, “well… they will soon see…”.
That’s a mistake we sometimes use and it’s often used as a lazy and uncaring way to deal with situations we don’t want to confront. The rule of thumb here in dealing with friends is this. Would I do this? If the answer is no, then you are probably on to something there. Share, even if it’s just as a precautionary measure.
I know you may say advising people is a tricky thing and may cause them to be upset, but this is what true friendship is made of. You must be willing to take a jab from a friend.
Show empathy not sympathy. Friends don’t look the other way when you need help
They are some you can call at any time if there is an emergency or crisis, for example, your car has broken down and they immediately arise and come to your assistance. They get the kids to school, whatever…If they can’t help, they try some other way. This is because they put themselves in your situation. They show empathy, not just sympathy.
Then they are those that will sigh to the point that you are left with no other choice than to tell them not to bother… After which, to appease themselves they “poignantly” insist…’are you sure?’ Knowing fully well that you wouldn’t dare want to impose on their “kindness.” That’s clever reverse psychology, isn’t it?
You feel comfortable discussing your problems
They are a support system for you and you are accountable to them. You run things by them when you need to and they help point you in the right direction. There is no feeling of embarrassment because you have the test of time as your reference. They sometimes function as mentors.
“I love you just the way you are!”
That’s how they make you feel without saying it. You are not perfect by any means, yet they love you in spite of. They are not interested in your standing in society, whether you are ugly, handsome/beautiful, white, black, disabled, rich or poor. They remain your friend through thick and thin, the good, the bad, the “ugly” and the indifferent.
True friends are concerned about your life
The persons that I truly admire in my life, are the ones who have advised me whenever they thought I was making a mistake. Whether they were right or wrong is not what I am talking about here, but the effort to go out on a limb to say respectfully what they thought, meant and still means a lot. I truly have treasured those moments and often talk about them.
Some years ago, I made a major decision in my life and human nature being what it is, caused persons to react in different but mostly well-meaning ways. However, what stood out from that experience, were the few who called me aside to tell me that I was making a mistake. They painstakingly drilled me about whether I was sure. Friends or not, that says a lot and I respected them greatly for it.
I remember approaching a close buddy of mine was once, who was head over heels for someone that wasn’t interested in him. I saw the “future” and the stress it was causing him so I told him what I thought. He rebuked me… I found it funny, but I understood how he was feeling. I was the bearer of bad news and he “resented” that, not me:) It all worked out in the end but not in his favor.:)
We had a laugh about the whole thing when his emotions finally settled down. Today, he is Godfather to one of my sons and he got married on my same wedding date, in our honor (my wife and I).
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Friends who we are not so sure about
Our reaction to others who don’t act the way we expect them to must be sincere, in spite of. They are still our friends. Don’t despise them nor drop them. Just understand that we are all different and may manifest kindness and other good qualities in other ways. Their perspective of our situation may be completely different from ours or they may have their own personal reasons for not acting the way you expect them to. It doesn’t matter! That person could very well be there for you someday.
Don’t rob them of the opportunity to grow and be there for you in the future. Just make sure that you are doing all that you can, to be a true friend to others. “A friend (when) in need is a friend indeed”
“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend, who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24.”