Am I Flirting?

(Last Updated On: November 26, 2018)
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Many people flirt without even knowing they do. Are you one of them? Knowing the answer is paramount because you don’t want people to think of you as a flirt. Most women (especially) despise flirts. Don’t think too highly of yourself if you are a man and do this. Ahem…

Flirting definition - Wikipedia

Some of us don’t even fully understand what flirting is and how it affects others. Some are appalled at the idea that you are flirting and some are embracing. It all depends on the situation and whether it’s appropriate at the time and with the right person.

So, ask yourself this question and be honest with your answer… Am I a flirt?

If you are, then you are out of line by most standards.  Better yet, ask your friends to tell you whether you are. You may be in for a surprise. If the answer is yes, don’t debate it. There are some things you just have to trust your friends to tell you.

As long as you accept the possibility that you do flirt, you can work on adjusting your interactions with the opposite sex; namely, recognizing what the flirting signs are. I will be discussing these shortly but first let’s look at a few things.

Flirting is a sticky topic. Especially when discussed among couples who have since tied the proverbial knot. The irony is, that this little emotional device is a part of us and was most probably used in the initial meeting up of each other. But after a healthy relationship has been established, it is somewhat expected that this part of us should be turned off — i.e. toward others.

Here is why this should happen. According to its definition, even though flirting can be a social chit-chat, it can also be an expression of sexual behavior. 

Couple dining - Am I flirting with him or her?

Flirting (teasing) can be meaningless fun between two persons who genuinely like each another or enjoy playful banter. They have no intention at all of becoming intimate. On the other hand,  it can also be a mask for some deeper sexual intention and improper to pursue, according to social etiquette. In the latter case, flirting is used as a hook and bait while hoping for a catch.

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This highlights another complexity in human behavior… who is to say that each party involved is “innocently” flirting?  One may be innocent and the other interested in that deeper relationship and may want the flirting to continue. Both may be innocent or both may be pursuing something deeper. What is the solution here then? I believe the answer lies within the parties involved and must be checked against the following signs below.

Flirting definition - Psychology Today

Top 10 Flirting Signs

  1. “Teasing” is the conversational norm — That’s all you ever do  
  2. Sexual arousal is evident during the conversation
  3. Blushing – (dead giveaway)
  4. Your voice changes – subconsciously drops in pitch (dead giveaway)
  5. Unusual or unnecessary touching 
  6. Prolonged smiling and excitement
  7. You find yourself overly paying compliments
  8. Awkwardness or pleasant nervousness when alone (together)
  9. On your best behavior but a little extreme
  10. You are offended if someone else joins the conversation

I am sure there are more signs but permit me to stop here for now.

The bottom line

couple in love - Am I flirting with him or her? Flirting signs

It happens naturally as part of the initial meeting, and courting periods (also in healthy marriages). It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a natural quality of us human beings when we are attracted to one another.

Flirting — When It Is Improper

  • If flirting is happening outside of your present relationship or marriage, that’s a no-no. It’s emotional adultery. If you play with fire you are almost certain to get burned.
  • You are not interested in the person, but you know that the person is interested in you. Don’t play with people’s feelings.
Am I flirting? Teasing and flirting have a goal in mind that will want the benefit of satisfaction at some point. If and when the opportunity arises, it will seek to be fulfilled. Click To Tweet

If you are unmarried, available and you flirt when you see a potential relationship prospect, then, by all means, go ahead. However, if you are already in a relationship or married, then engage in “politically correct,”  respectable conversation.

See the person as an extended sister or brother and enjoy their company. That’s it!  We human beings have more power and control than we give ourselves credit for.  

Let’s ask ourselves this question. Am I flirting inappropriately? If the answer is yes, then seek to guard your present relationship, family (and your future) by adjusting your attitude accordingly. 

Now, by all means, go ahead and flirt away with your significant other.

Please feel free to comment below.

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David Eversley

David is a musician and IT professional with a passion for writing. When he is not doing any of the above, he can be found watching funny videos and eating chocolates. Laughter (and chocolates) is the best medicine!

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10 Replies to “Am I Flirting?”

  1. Wow! Excellent article! Sometimes I think people believe that flirting is so innocent when it is very inappropriate. Taking a vow of marriage is just that…a vow. Putting your relationship at risk is not worth it and is so disrespectful to everyone involved. People should think twice about committing to one person if they can not behave themselves! Thank you for such good insight.

    1. Very well said Diane.

      Thank you for adding that information.
      Yes. It is “disrespectful to everyone involved,” including the children, if there are any.

  2. Your article is very interesting. It certainly makes me think about flirting. Signs of inappropriate flirting were very interesting. The distinction between appropriate and inappropriate flirting is something I had not thought of. Emotional Adultery is certainly a true issue and I am glad to see it in print. The images in your sight are nice and appealing to the eye.

  3. Being a married guy, I was curious to read this article to make sure I’m not flirting with anyone and avoiding temptation.

    Thank you for the healthy reminder to go ahead and flirt with our significant others.  I guess its a way of keeping some romance alive.  I’ve noticed other married guys who flirt with ladies in the workplace and I feel that is improper.Those 10 signs of inappropriate flirting are a real eye-opening check-list.  I shale more aware not to cross the line!Is it EVER OK to flirt with others if you are already married??

    1. Hi John!

      I like the way you set up yourself for the challenge. Bold move… congrats:-).
      Flirting with your significant other is definitely the way to keep things alive.

      Concerning your question, it is my belief that there can be nothing positive coming out of flirting with others. It’s like playing with fire… eventually, you will get burned.

      Thanks for taking the time to share.
      All the best to you and yours!
      David

  4. What a fantastic website you have here, I just read one of your other posts about getting rid of self-esteem which was great so I left a comment there and will be awaiting your answer.

    I have been married for 5 years now but have been with my wife for 16 years altogether and she says I’m a huge flirt but I don’t know that I do it really, and I certainly don’t do it on purpose.

    I do however flirt with my wife daily and I know for a fact that I’m doing that but how can’t I tell the difference between flirting with my wife and flirting with other women if I don’t know that I’m doing it? I certainly don’t say to other women what I say to my wife that for sure, lol

    1. Hi Matthew!
      Thanks much for your kind words.
      Women are usually very good at “knowing” when a man is either deliberately or inadvertently flirting, whether we admit it, Matthew. 🙂 I have had my “warnings” early up in my marriage from the “boss.” 🙂

      Concerning your question, it may be a matter of how you engage other women in conversation… Are you overly paying compliments, blushing, making prolonged eye contact…? Maybe there are slight positive changes in your behavior such as, dropping your pitch when talking, speaking more eloquently etc… stuff like that your wife will notice, (unknown to you).

      Some women are also overly jealous and sometimes may overreact, but the important thing is to examine yourself, to determine whether she is right.
      I am glad you have a certain convo that’s reserved only for your wife… that’s a positive.

      All the best to you and yours and keep in touch.
      David

  5. Your article is thought-provoking; meaning, it has provoked me to think about how I might have provoked the thinking of others. I like how you had tied flirting together with teasing. I do think that they are closely related. I think flirting is teasing conducted with someone you’ve not yet met, or had only casually met, while teasing is something that’s done among friends, often to let them know that you care for them–though, of course, teasing taken too far can have the opposite effect. The flirt, I think is a way of getting someone’s attention, for the purpose of something more. While the something more is often something sexual, it can be something innocent, like just a friendship with someone you believe may be interesting. It’s kind of the bait on the hook that’s connected to the line that leads to your heart, which is why the website Plenty of Fish is so popular, as most people recognize the metaphor of fishing, when applied to new relationships; in this setting, the profile is the flirt, that gets an otherwise stranger hooked, or intrigued, enough to cause them to message you. Anyway, thanks for the interesting post. 

    1. Hi Kevin!
      Quite an interesting perspective. You have presented some food for thought. I like the”It’s kind of the bait on the hook that’s connected to the line that leads to your heart.” It’s very true. Based on what you have said about the website you mentioned, it seems that people “get their flirt on” by perfecting it as best they could, in order to better “hook up” with someone.

      I also like the info presented here http://snip.ly/59tclx.

      Thanks for sharing and all the best.
      David