Making Love Last a Lifetime

(Last Updated On: December 8, 2018)

This article is for those who are serious about change in their relationships. 

Relationships, whether romantic or otherwise all seem exciting at first but if we are honest,  the excitement can wear off and leave us disappointed, discouraged and depressed.

 

The person we were crazy about has now become “crazy.” It’s here that things can quickly go sideways if no effort to rebuild and manage the relationship is exercised. How did we get here and what can we do to get back on track? The thing is, we already know how to behave in any relationship to make it work. We did it at the beginning, right?  So why not return to the things that made it work then, and cultivate a healthy environment for love to flourish in?

 

Beautiful garden - Making love last a lifetime

 That environment is like a garden filled with beautiful flowers and sumptuous fruit for us to enjoy. But if that garden is left unattended we’ll surely find ourselves in a drought surrounded by unsightly weeds. Since we have to live in that garden, we should be pruning and caring for it in order to feed on its fruit.

 

It’s when the garden dries up that we become hungry, naked,  and starvation and vulnerability set in. We don’t want that, do we? Let’s get to work then! Making “love” last a lifetime is guaranteed once we nurture the gardens in our lives.

 

The Journey Begins

In the beginning, most people seem organized and mature but as enough time passes and familiarity steps in, another side of ourselves can suddenly show its ugly head. Our imperfections, hang-ups, and quirks become ever present and unbearable.

Road - Going on a journey - Making love last a lifetime

Let us examine a typical journey of a relationship from the beginning to the point of rejection and pending disbandment. Hopefully, we can rebuild even at this point. After all, long-lasting happiness, peace, and harmony are what we prefer and desire. It is also cheaper for everyone in the long run.

 

The good news is that the solution to healing our relationships lies within the same reasons they fail. We simply do the things we did at first. “Easier said than done,” I hear you say. Have faith, friend. We are capable of transforming our situations and our future with a few good intelligent decisions.

 

Origins: Dating, Courtship, Marriage

Boy meets girl and a wave of emotions floods their being. Their worlds have become one and now nothing is impossible. They bring excitement, happiness, and joy to the relationship. Their perspective of life is positive and the future looks bright.

 

Every day is new and exciting as they anticipate the joy of holding hands, talking, learning about each other and just being together. There is no desire to control anyone or situation, only a willingness to surrender to the other.

 

They listen to each other and have become inseparable.  All that was dull and routine is new and refreshing.  No event is attended alone as every opportunity to be together is time well spent. Every moment paves an unselfish path of how they might please each other. There’s a building up of the other with compliments flowing from sincere admiration and respect.

 

There is always that bond of unity, evident from talking for hours on the phone, going to lunch, walking in the park, stealing a kiss here and there, hugging… the list goes on. Ok. Let’s see what we can observe here.

 

What Is in a Healthy Relationship? It’s Characteristics

Let’s extract the keywords in bold from above and keep them in mind:

They:

  1. are happy before they came together – a good sign to look for
  2. listen to each other
  3. take every opportunity to be together
  4. are unselfish
  5. please each other
  6. build up each other
  7. have sincere admiration and respect for each other
  8. talk for hours – communication
  9. go to lunch – date
  10. walk in the park
  11. kiss & hug

We just got started and we have already listed the solution to a healthy relationship. Right in that list is the key to making love last a lifetime… Never stop dating. In other words, never stop doing any of those things above!

 

A Healthy Relationship Has a Positive Effect on Life

Whether young or old, there is an air of youthful energy overhanging this new relationship and it’s invigorating. The great measure of enthusiasm in everything they do is evident.

 

Remember how creative we became during this time?  The letters, poems, sweet words we spoke while our hearts fluttered? Or how we paid much attention to how we dressed before going out?

 

A healthy relationship affects the outlook of our entire lives. This is why so many seek to love and be loved. It’s the fuel that drives our future, ambition and our destiny. We desire a fitting companion with whom to share our lives.

 

Now let’s get back to our boy and girl bit and fast forward.

 

They have come to know the other fairly well (so they think), so they get married and live happily ever after… Well that’s the idea, right? However, this is hardly the reality for most.

 

overgrown plant - - Making love last a lifetime

 The Beginning of the “End” of the Relationship

Let’s say they are happily married for the first two years after which complacency sets in and the garden gets out of control. Let’s borrow the economic term “the law of diminishing returns.” There’s an overload of thorns and thistles; the good, the bad and the ugly and not enough intimacy and maturity to process it.

 

Life is throwing everything at them but they are not maturing fast enough to keep up and deal with situations. They have not properly prepared for this and soon enough, they are playing the blame game. This results in frustration, followed by the silent treatment and communication breakdown.  

 

Added to these, lack of trustselfishness, and complacency are the three biggest reasons for the breakdown of any relationship. A few examples of this are:

 

One or both have stopped doing all or some of the things that fueled the relationship in the beginning

  • No plans for dealing with life as change takes them by surprise
  • No personal growth or development – immaturity
  • One has gone ahead academically, professionally, spiritually or otherwise
  • No interest in each other’s passions or worldview anymore
  • Being busy with work is an excuse for the lack of spending quality time together
  • Little attention to health or physical appearance – overweight, deteriorating health
  • Not satisfying each other in various ways causing the other to seek or welcome attention from other sources (this should be # 1)

 

Again, let’s extract the bold keywords from the paragraphs above that are responsible for the breakdown process. Keep them in mind:

  1. not enough intimacy and maturity
  2. unpreparedness
  3. the blame game
  4. frustration
  5. silent treatment and communication break-down
  6. selfishness
  7. laziness

How Good Relationships Go Bad

Be honest from the beginning:

 

When we first meet someone, we tend to use the opportunity to try to remake ourselves in the midst of the new relationship. We’re carefully releasing a bit of the person we desire to become and hoping that we can maintain this façade… this time around.

 

If that word is too strong for you, let’s change it to something easier to digest like “well-meaning behavior.” After all, we are trying to learn from past mistakes as we go along, right? Here’s a new person who is now getting to know us. They are unaware of our shortcomings… so why not rise to the occasion, ignore the past, and just pray it all works out… 

 

Wrong approach! It is better to be honest about our shortcomings.

 

The challenge with this mindset is though it seems well-meaning, this is not the time to suddenly become mature. Maturity is a process, not an event. That’s what growing up is about. The time to be working on ourselves is prior to any commitment to a long-term relationship of any kind. This is not to say that we can’t change for the better at any time. But we must be fairly complete in ourselves before we take that step to become a part of someone else’s future.

 

If we’re still growing in certain areas, let the other know. This is very important.

 

Because, as soon as someone or a situation triggers a usual familiar response from our real self, we may feel disappointed about being exposed or misunderstood and begin to lash out in frustration. Every other insecure area and bad habit now wants to battle for 1st place. Now, since we may already be feeling vulnerable, the slide is downhill from here.

 

If personal situations and skeletons were temporarily placed on the back burner and were never discussed; they resurface at some point and introduce new challenges that were not prepared for.  

 

Feeling Angry and Betrayed in a Relationship

We may feel betrayed and angry after a breakdown in a relationship of any kind because:

  • Most expect the relationship/friendship to last “forever” because the road to intimacy and trust was long
  • Expectations were not met; whether intentionally or inadvertently
  • Our personal business, secrets, and things we wish we hadn’t shared or done, may now be out there
  • We have wasted time and there is no return on investment for our sacrifices
  • We are angry because going forward will be harder trust-wise
  • We are upset with ourselves because we have regrets
  • We let our guard down
  • There will be serious and painful adjustments should there be a separation
  • Life is short, less time to get it together
  • Getting rid of baggage is a process we don’t have the time for
  • There was a deception
  • We or they acted immaturely
  • Children are involved and now…

The list can go on and on, so you get the idea of the seriousness here.  Can we afford to lose all of our investment? 

 

How to Fix a Broken Relationship When All Seems Lost

Wow! How can a relationship be repaired and heal after all this? I believe it can be if we just stop being selfish and work on changing ourselves first.  We humans can be extremely difficult, but only because we refuse to own our wrongs and submit to one another.  A friend once said these words:

Anytime a husband and wife engage in conflict that causes them to be unable to submit to each other, they are both wrong. Never ‘win’ an argument and still be the loser.

Corey Johnson

 

Dumb-bells- Getting in shape - Making love last a lifetime

Okay. So we became lazy and stopped doing the things that contribute to good relations. Now what?

 

Let’s compare our recovery process to the human body. When left unattended, it can get out of hand. Carrying around the extra baggage, especially in the mid-section can cause all kinds of problems health-wise. Sometimes we treat those close to us like we treat our body. Yet even in this state, we do love ourselves. See the hope here?

 

When we want to get healthy we work on our bodies. We discard only the things which prevent it from thriving. We have to live with ourselves so we make it work.

 

There is hope in this complexity. If we can transform our bodies by going to the gym, we can redefine and renew our relationships through hard work, discipline and by reinvesting in them. I know it sounds simplistic, but that’s it! Why complicate it with unnecessary speculations and obstacles. “Change your thoughts change your life” works, doesn’t it? With this mindset, there is still hope and the potential for change, all is not lost.

 

Take Action

The problem is that we are hard as nails and believe there is no room for forgiveness at this stage. We are selfish, upset, hurt and in our minds, we have had enough. Challenge yourself to step out of yourself, own up to your share in the breakdown and ask for forgiveness. Why regret it down the road when the power is within your grasp to change NOW. Especially when there’s no infidelity.

 

Let’s do the following from today and see the return on investment (ROI) in our relationships.  All parties must agree to this, (especially in the romantic relationship). However, if you have to do it on your own for a while, there is still much to gain in the end. You may have to be the one to make the initial sacrifice. Conquer pride, storms come and go but life goes on.

 

Relatives bicker and moan, but they agree again at some point – because they are family. Why can’t the marriage relationship (greater than genetic family in the marriage context) have the same courtesy – especially since you made vows before God that you are obligated to keep? Isn’t the same God whom you made vows before, able to sustain. Should He pack up and disappear too when trials come?

 Steps to Rebuild a Broken Friendship

  1. Pray together – this works and brings meaning to the relationship immediately
  2. Swallow your pride, life is too short
  3. Forgive immediately without casting any blame
  4. Begin to build each other up with praise/compliments and encouragement
  5. Agree to agree with each other as much as possible
  6. Respect each other’s opinion as much as your own
  7. Put each other first in all things before yourselves
  8. Do things you know will please the other – make a list
  9. Hold hands, date, dance, walk, exercise
  10. Be patient a little longer

 

Be creative and make your own list. By following the above list as much as possible, whatever the outcome, you would have given it your all.

 

God is there to help you through. His example of love is based on sacrifice; of which there can be no demonstration of love in its proper context. Start today to rebuild and refresh your relationship. It’s not impossible once you are alive.

 

Read about what love is here.

Do it now!

Spread the love
  • 14
  • 1
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
    15
    Shares

David Eversley

David is a musician and IT professional with a passion for writing. When he is not doing any of the above, he can be found watching funny videos and eating chocolates. Laughter (and chocolates) is the best medicine!

Leave a Reply

You have to agree to the comment policy.

36 Replies to “Making Love Last a Lifetime”

  1. Thanks for this post. I’m struggling in my relationship (at the 4 year mark) and much of the challenges you describe resonate with me. Maturity IS a process and not an event, and people have to keep checking their motives and contributions – plateauing is the beginning of the end. It becomes so easy to take our partners for granted as we get used to them in our lives, and I think the most important way to get out of that trap is to remind myself what I’m grateful for each day.

  2. Thanks, Penelope! 

    You have hit the nail on the head.  We do have to check our motives etc and reaching a plateau is certainly cause for concern.  I truly believe that once we take stock of ourselves, we will discover that we all need to change our direction and get back on track.  Taking each other for granted is definitely where we don’t want to be.

    I wish you well and hope that you will begin to put some of our suggestions into practice.  Please keep in touch.

    Let us know if anything works for you.

    All the best and God bless!  

  3. Thank you for providing this information. I have been married almost seven years now and my wife and I have seen some rough times.
    I have learned that I do have to swallow my pride and give in. It takes both me and my wife to make it work.
    Thank you again.

    1. Thank you Mike for your comments.

      First of all, congrats on reaching almost seven years.  You can do it!  It does take both of you to make it work.  You are on the right path by acknowledging what you have been doing or have to do.  I wish you both all the best.

      God bless!

  4. I love your site its so warm and to the point. Everyone would love for their “love” to last forever. It’s incredible that you took the time to really put through such a positive message. I was going through “What is in a healthy relationship? Characteristics of a good relationship” step by step to be honest! I was reading “4. are unselfish” and I was like “Score 1 more for me!” this site is so necessary for all of us who need the guidance!

    1. Thanks for your comments Akeem.  I am glad that you have found something useful here.

      We can all grow as human beings when we apply whatever we have learned, to all areas of our lives.

      I wish you all the best 

  5. Most people don’t know how to make a relationship last. When 2 people get together, it’s romantic and lovely only at the beginning. later they just forget they should try. They simply stop trying to impress one another. It’s important to always show your partner that always have the love in you.

    1. That’s true Rich… We must always seek to invest in each other. When we do that we will get good returns on our investment. As you have said, try to impress one another or continue always in putting the other before yourself.

      Thanks much for adding value to this post and for your valued comments. All the best!

  6. Hi David

    First of all, I really enjoyed reading this article. You are a good writer and the content is deep. You have given some very good advice. Following are my thoughts:

    • I like the pun in the title “Making Love Last a Lifetime.” It certainly stands out and caught my attention. Definitely, an incentive for anyone to want to read.

    • I believe that in most relationships during the ‘dating’ or initial stage, nothing seriously goes wrong to cause friends to have to make up. Imperfections are rarely seen at this time since much ‘acting’ goes on in the life of all parties involved. It is only after relationships have been established that trouble raises its ugly head.

    • As a person who enjoys the garden, I agree that they are representational of relationships and if left unattended, weeds and bush would be encouraged. Couples have to be aware that the garden is no longer what it was and make a conscientious effort to rid it of the weeds and bush.

    • “The blame game, frustration, silent treatment and communication breakdown” – Unfortunately, in relationships, these negatives creep in and take their victims unawares. The reasons for these include but are not limited to work, family life, friends, changing negative mindsets about the other partner and the real person beginning to show up.

    • “Life is throwing everything at them, but they are not maturing fast enough to keep up and deal with situations” – I believe that as relationships change the individuals must change to suit but this does not happen. For example, couples cannot expect to get a child and remain the same. Their minds, attitudes and schedules must adapt to suit. Business cannot be the same as usual. And usually, marriages tend to break down after a child/children are involved. (What goes wrong?)

    I don’t think the correct word is betrayal; it is more anger. Here are the reasons why:
    • Parties expect relationships to last forever – Who enters marriage expecting it to fail?
    • Expectations are not met.
    • It is felt that precious years are wasted and it is believed that the only good resulting from the marriage are children produced.

    • I agree that when any relationship fails some sort of baggage is involved but the individuals must purpose to get rid of them. I have not got rid of all mine, but I am no way near where I was before.

    • I also like the comparison of the failed relationship to the unhealthy human body. No one really hates him/herself no matter how unhealthy the body. Therefore, if the relationship is unhealthy, it can be worked and improved upon. The individual must purpose to get the job done-effort is needed for this. As you rightly put it, “…we can redefine and renew our relationships through hard work, discipline and by reinvesting in them.”

    To sum up, I would say that the problem of failed relationships is in the mind and attitude of persons. If these can be changed, then any relationship can be back on good footing. However, it takes all the parties involved, not just one.

    1. Hi Sharon!
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and adding value to this article:-). Many will be encouraged by your thoughts and openness :-). We seem to be very much on the same page here. I do take your points to heart and I will definitely be expanding on some of the points you raised such as; how work, family life, children etc. affect the marriage/relationship. There are some things you have triggered in me that I will add to this article and probably convert it into an eBook. Thanks again for the inspiration.

      God bless!
      David 🙂

  7. Good morning David,
    Your writing on Making Love Last a Lifetime was well written. It provides guidelines for the old and young to learn and implement in their relationships. For myself, I have always had strong biblical and practical views about what I wanted in a spouse, family setting and life. I prayed to God and asked Him for the special qualities I wanted in a spouse. Coming from a broken home I was adamant about things I did not want in a relationship. Your article highlighted many of my views. Praise God my husband and I have been married for 28 years and together for 41 years. TO God be all glory, honour and praise!

    1. Thank you very much for taking the time to read and respond, Peggy. I am glad that it worked out well for you. You knew what you wanted based on solid biblical values and thankfully, you got what you prayed for. Amen! I am sure you have lots of advice for us which you can post here as well.
      Thanks for contributing to this post.
      Blessings! 🙂
      David

  8. Hi
    One of the characteristics you mentioned for a healthy relationship during the dating or courting stage is talking for hours. The impression given is that these hours of communication ought to continue during marriage but how realistic is this?

    Lifestyles change after marriage. Let us consider the scenarios below. Housework is to be shared between two parties, whereas before, when living at home the same chores were divided among several family members. It is possible that this couple now works shift, instead of the regular scheduled times. There will be the addition of children, demands of work, friends and other family members. Is there really room for long hours of communication? These changes should promote a deeper level of communication. That is, communication should be of quality, not quantity.

    1. Hi Sandra!
      Thank you for taking the time to read the article and for sharing your thoughts.
      I agree with you. In a marriage – with the increasing responsibilities because of the reasons you mentioned, it will now be impossible to talk for hours (all at once). However, as you have said, the quality of communication will certainly make up for the “abundance” of time, no longer available.

      I just mentioned that characteristic as a necessary critical “requirement” which is expected to be the norm because of the time available then. E.g. if communication is limited during this time, then that’s a big clue that there will be serious issues later on and probably – hence, no evolving into quality time whatsoever.

      Thanks, Sandra! Please continue to share your ideas as they come.

      David

  9. Hi David
    It is true that relationships need watering and pruning and so there must be a conscious effort to get these done. There is a saying ‘Familiarity breeds contempt.’ When we get comfortable around friends and loved ones, we drop our guard and forget to take care of the garden. This has happened in my relationship. Guess I need to revisit the garden, pull out the weeds and take care of the precious plants.
    Thanks.

    1. Hi Andrea!
      I appreciate your comments. That’s well said and very true.
      Only recently, my siblings reminded me of that statement ‘Familiarity breeds contempt.’ But what if we could only use the familiarity to grow closer and stronger together? Love grows when we give ourselves away. When we share, build up and care for others.
      A good gardener takes good care of the garden so we must nourish our relationships by removing the bugs, weeds (negative talk/feelings) rather than let them run wild. Pruning ourselves until only beauty remains.
      We must learn to enjoy each other’s presence without judgment and to be kind toward each other. Once we invest and engage in positive conversation, our words will come to life and bear fruit for all to partake of. Soon our garden will be a sanctuary, peaceful and a place of refreshing.

      Thanks again
      David

  10. Hi David
    Thanks for writing the article that gives much food for thought. Unfortunately, in relationships, adults hold grudges which build barriers and cause the demise of relatively good friendships. We need to have the ‘simplicity’ of children. They quarrel and fight but before long, they put their differences behind them and are best friends once again.

    The experiences of us adults cause us to become proud and refuse to submit to each other.

    1. Hi Paula!
      Thank you for reading and taking the time to share your thoughts. I couldn’t agree with you more. If we could indeed remain childlike in our relationships we would definitely be in much better standing as adults today. Amazingly, the children are setting the better example here.
      Submission, respect, and appreciation on both sides, is key.
      Thanks
      David

  11. Thanks, David
    Good article.
    But, how realistic is it for people to be and I quote your words, “…pretty complete in ourselves before we take that step to become a part of someone’s future.” Society does not culture us to look at our faults. It is more realistic to see the faults in others. My shortcoming may be my norm because of my childhood environment. For example, if I was raised in a household with constant anger and quarrels, that becomes a part of me. As a victim, I am not aware that this is wrong and will defend this behaviour. To me, this statement was made in hindsight and although ideal, I consider it a pie-in-the-sky dream.

  12. Hi Joann!
    Thanks for your sharing your comments. Much appreciated.
    Though I understand the point you are making and can certainly relate, I believe that we all have the ability to know right from wrong and make the necessary adjustments. We have all been challenged in one way or another by our varying backgrounds, but we most likely felt hurt or upset if we heard our parents quarreling or if we saw someone being abused, right?

    That alone should shape us in determining what we want for ourselves going forward. We can make a choice here. Though it is challenging, our environment doesn’t have to define us.

    Too many people get married or become involved in a relationship bringing all kinds of issues thinking they will get better when they meet someone. They look for the other person to make them complete. I am not saying that they should be perfect but we are all responsible for our own maturity.
    e.g if there’s a problem with anger, lying, bad habits etc. one should have been trying all along to get help/counseling for this behavior.

    We need to work on ourselves and not wait for someone else to make us complete. “Pretty complete in ourselves…” doesn’t mean being flawless but that we were willing to improve ourselves in our weak areas – in a responsible manner. It makes life easier for everyone in the future.

    Thanks again!
    David

  13. Great post on a critically important topic. I think one of the things we must avoid at all costs is to become careless with our most meaningful relationships. “Familiarity breeds contempt”, so they say. In a loving relationship there is no room for that. I have a very strong bias for action, and I believe that it is super important to DO stuff together, no matter what. It’s through these shared experiences that a relationship can grow and become deeper, richer and, dare I say, more loving.

    I believe that a commitment to personal growth, and to each other’s growth, can go a long way towards building ever stronger loving relationships.

    Thanks! 

    1. Hi Norman!
      Thanks for taking the time to read this “long” post and for sharing :-).

      I do agree with you here. That quote is never mentioned enough because it (“familiarity”) does seem to make a lot of sense and is usually one of the main culprits in the breakdown of a relationship. You mentioned some important keywords which I can use to further develop another article 🙂 “loving relationship, super important to do stuff together, shared experiences, commitment to personal growth” etc. Lots of stuff there to glean from.

      You seem to be on the right track.

      All the best to you and yours.
      Thanks for sharing and adding value here.
      David

  14. Thanks David, I enjoyed reading this post. It made me think deep about my relationship. The characteristics of a healthy relationship especially the point that each of them should be happy before coming together really got to me. This point is very important, coming into a relationship should never be seen as an escape out of a situation. 

    1. Hi Juliet!

      Thanks for taking the time to read and to share your thoughts. 

      Yes, many times people are running from a situation and into the arms of someone who may appear to be offering something better. This happens for many reasons such as, abuse, poverty, brokenness, anxiety etc. Whatever the reason, we will be bringing that state of mind and other unresolved issues to the table.

      Therefore, we look to the other person (our “escape”) for our happiness and general fulfillment, this is OK, but only to a point. But what happens when loved one’s mood changes or they show another side we weren’t expecting? Are we going to be reacting and base our feelings on their “ups and downs?”

      We shouldn’t have to depend on them for our personal happiness or to know who we really are at the core. This is why good parenting is critical. We are usually encouraged & “prepared” for a life of success of dreams and “happily ever afters,” but hardly ever to enjoy the process of our “own personal development and fulfillment.

      I trust that you can share this article with your other half and discuss some of the points listed here.

      Thanks again and bountiful success to you and yours.

      David

  15. All I have to say is wow. 

    This article was so beautifully written. Thank you so much for sharing your expertise with us all. 

    Previously, I was in a 4 year adult and mature relationship. It suddenly lost everything that once was romantic and beautiful and lovely. You were spot on with the course of this relationship. 

    In the beginning there are so many different ways a relationship is made perfect. However, over time such things dwindle and the magic begins to stop. 

    I do truly wish I came across this article sooner. I would have shared it with her as we worked through our emotions. 

    Your tips and guide towards rehabilitation are something I will absolutely utilize in the future when love is lost. 

    Thank you for writing this article,

    Russell 

    1. Hi Russell.
      You are most welcome!

      Thanks for your kind words.

      I am happy that you got something from this post. However, I am sorry about your relationship not working out. I can feel your sincerity here. A relationship is like sowing a seed and nurturing it to maturity. It’s like an investment – only this time, in a person – hoping to get a return on our investment. Whatever we sow in “each other,” we reap. And as you know, we reap way more than we sow. Unfortunately, both persons can drop the ball and give up because they are not willing to deal with imperfections, accept each other for who they are and working together in making the necessary sacrifices for each other.

      I wish you all the best going forward.
      God bless!
      David

  16. I think a lot of people fall into the trap of falling in love and then being excited at first.  However, once we get to know someone more and more it can change.  Little things that our partner will do will annoy us.

    I like the advice on never stop dating, though.  I have always found that being unpredictable helps a lot, too.  People are drawn to excitement and being unpredictable can really go along away.

    1. Hi Garen!

      You are right; being unpredictable is a little device that can add some spark to any relationship.

      Thanks for adding value to the article and for that tip. We all can do with the extra excitement.

      All the best to you and yours!
      David

  17. I’d like to share something personal. My wife and I have been going through some difficulties for many years now. We finally agreed to break the ice the other day. We agreed to kiss each other goodbye at the start of the day. I know it’s only a little thing, but for us it was important. Thanks for your comments. Sometimes we haven’t really forgiven, and actions nearly always speak louder than words.

    1. Hi Fraser!

      Thanks for sharing your heart, it’s the best way to help others.

      I am glad that you and your wife have agreed to make an effort. This is extremely commendable. Congrats to both of you :-). Life is too short for “unforgiveness” and broken communication. It robs us of our joy and the essence of life.

      This seemingly “little” step that you have made will grow into a fruitful tree and you will both eat its fruit. This can make all the difference going forward.

      All the best to you and yours.
      David

  18. Hello David, it’s seems that you are a relationship expert. I really love reading your post and I really gain a lot of insight on why and how relationship gets destroy. At the same time I learnt how it can be fix. One thing I have noticed about relationships is that it’s a journey and demands a lot of sacrifices if you are willing to have the perfect relationship in the world. 

    You need to be able to understand each other and love your partner unconditionally. When people manage to do that, their relationship grows beautiful as rose. In other words, strong and powerful relationship are like wine. The more it age the better it taste. 

    Furthermore, if you want to have the best relationship in the world. You need to make it your number one priority or your chief aim. This way you will succeed faster in getting the perfect relationship. Thanks for the post. 

    1. Hey Kuu!
      Thank you for your kind sentiments. I am not an expert 🙂 just someone who has learned, observed and in some cases, experienced some of what I write about. If those are the qualifications, then I have to accept your “title.” 🙂

      You are right and you seem to be an expert in your own right, Kuu. A relationship is a journey and involves sacrifices every moment of the day. Loving unconditionally and making the relationship priority are other great points you have made here.

      Thanks for adding value.

      All the best
      David

  19. What an amazing site.  It just made me smile when I first opened it up.  The top image is so bright and happy!

    But seriously, it is a difficult subject for most people.  I know relationships don’t come easily for me.  I have to really work on being social, on wanting to discuss my “feelings,” on wanting to communicate.

    You make many great points on your landing page about relationships, but the one I like the most is about how it’s not about winning arguments, its about coming to an agreement, a consensus about certain things.  It’s about finding common ground.  Otherwise, there will always be a festering disagreement and arguments about the same things.

    I wonder if you might explore how we can learn to do these things?  For many men, it does not come naturally to be open and want to communicate, to find consensus.  I have found one way is to ask for help in this area from my partner – to be open and admit effective communication is difficult and let them teach me how to be more open.

    Anyway, what a great topic; we all need to learn more about how to interact with each other.

    Dave.

    1. Hi Dave! (great name by the way 🙂 )

      Good points you have made here, Dave.

      When we have an understanding about how to function, respond and deal with issues, it sets the stage for openness and a quality environment. Arguing about the same things over and over will be a sign that there’s no growth or maturing taking place.

      A relationship is not just about one person. It’s really about the other person. If we can grasp that concept, our relationships will grow by leaps and bounds. Living for each other involves putting the other first always. This results in a productive, healthy atmosphere, which will sustain growth.

      I will elaborate on the issue you have raised but relationships are built on openness, trust & communication. This results in “friendship” which then evolves into something deeper.

      Thanks again for sharing!
      All the best.
      David